masculinity

My parents were in town this week on their way to and from seeing their new great-grandsons, the twins. Thursday night, we were talking about my mother’s parents, and particularly her father, Leo B. Switzer. I loved Grandpa Switzer–he was the quintessential grandfather: kind, funny, affectionate. I remember sitting on his lap; he would squeeze my leg just behind the knee to make me laugh. I also remember how he smelled, though for the life of me I can’t find words to describe it. I don’t think it was cologne or aftershave, and it wasn’t unpleasant; it was just Grandpa. I always remember him smiling.

By the time I knew him, he was retired, but my mother said he was always a hard worker. He worked on the railroad, and additionally took an active role in the care of his five children. Grandma was sickly, and so much of the responsibility at home fell to Grandpa. I loved Grandma too, but my sense is that she was not always easy to get along with (though I didn’t realize this until I was in my teens). I remember riding with them in Shreveport and Grandpa said we needed to turn on “Jewellen,” and Grandma immediately corrected him: “Jewella.” At the time I remember thinking that was sad; now, as a grown man and husband, I’m impressed that he didn’t respond negatively to the correction. As Teddie can tell you, I’m often not so patient.

Mom said that some thought Grandpa was weak for doing work around the house and putting up with Grandma; Mom saw it as strength. He worked and cared for his family, doing what had to be done. What struck me most as we were talking Thursday night was this: Mom said that when Grandpa died, the word that came to mind was steadfast. He cared for his family. He cleaned the church when it needed cleaning. He took in widows from time to time (which must have put a strain on the family finances). He served as an elder in his church for many years. Dad said that all four of his sons-in-law respected him highly.

This gives me pause: how will Anna describe me when she’s 70? Affectionate, I know. Kind, I believe. Funny–I try. Steadfast: I’m not so sure about this one. Over the past few months, I’ve come to see that I’m controlled far too much by my emotions, too easily irritated.

As I reflect on my potential legacy on this Father’s Day, Grandpa Switzer gives me something to aim for.

Tagged as: father, father's day, masculinity, parenting, steadfast