some thoughts on anger and other addictions

I’m still mulling how to be satisfied with God, so in the meantime I thought I would share this powerful passage from Facing East, by Frederica Mathewes-Green. She explains that life usually seems full of uncertainty,

But, oh, how sweet is anger. When I’m angry, I’m not in the wrong. Somebody else is in the wrong, and for once I have peace. A delicious peace that gnaws over the wrong like a lion with a ragged bone. It is delicious and compelling enough that it urges me to accumulate other wrongs and hold them greedily close. I love to be wronged; only then, for that brief moment, can I be sure I’m right. It is intoxicating in its sweetness, this brief joy in being right. It is good to be a victim, because victims are sinless.

As someone with significant and lasting “anger issues,” I can completely relate to this; anger, along with its cousins bitterness and resentment, is indeed intoxicating. And that is undoubtedly why Paul urges us not to let the sun go down on our anger. As anyone who has struggled with addictions knows, allowing such a thing into our lives does indeed give the devil a foothold or opportunity. The intoxication keeps drawing us back for more.

This reminded me of something Margaret Lobenstine wrote about resentment in her latest newsletter; she explained that a friend had recently told her that resentment was like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die; it only kills us. I’ve heard this before, but it never really helped me beyond “That’s a good image to use if I ever teach on anger.” Lobenstine, however, found a practical way to apply it. She tells of being on the phone with tech support for five hours (five hours!) and becoming very frustrated. She says,

Prior to having heard the resentment-poison quote, I would have been beside myself, and my voice would probably have been injured by five hours of frustrated yelling. Holding on to the quote for dear life, however, I really was “beside” myself saying, “Is this poor phone company employee really worth drinking poison over?”

Lobenstine’s self-talk is really useful for all kinds of intoxicants and addictions besides anger. For those of us who tend to reach for sugar when the going gets rough, we can ask, “Is this situation really worth more pounds and the associated guilt that comes when I eat the entire package of Oreos?”

I’ve become fairly adept at telling myself “Stop it!” (and I do say it out loud) when I find myself drinking the poison and accumulating those angry thoughts, but it never hurts to have another weapon in the arsenal. What’s your tactic for putting an end to anger or other thoughts that poison your life? Share it in the comments.

Tagged as: anger, Frederica Mathewes Green