free to love

Alan Creech posted a beautiful, insightful, provocative passage from Thomas Merton, in which Merton asserts that love is the defining attribute of Christianity. That’s something Christians know, at least in theory. How many of us have stood in a circle, holding hands singing, “Love, love, love, love / the gospel in a word is a love / love your neighbor as your brother / love, love, love”?

What intrigues me about Merton’s thoughts is where he goes next. He writes, “the free decision of men to love one another in Christ” allows us to manifest God to the world. He continues:

The teaching of the Gospel is that men are no longer servants of God, no longer bound merely to complex ritual observances and obscure legal systems known only to experts. Men are free from the domination of abstract religious systems that can only be understood by specialists. They are sons of God and brothers of one another, united in a community of freedom and love in which their law is love and in which they are guided by the Spirit of God dwelling in the Church and in each of its members–the Spirit of sonship, of freedom, and of love. (emphasis added)

Note the number of times Merton uses free and freedom. Creech moves from this to briefly consider church structures that impede loving freely–well worth discussion. My own response was a little different.

In a few relationships, lately, I’ve felt “compelled” to love; I’ve felt a bondage and an obligation–certainly no freedom. I’ve been praying, “Father, help me to love this person”; and I really should have added, “because I have to.”

“Because I have to”: some of you may be thinking, Jesus commanded us to love one another; He even used that word: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34--35).

True–and in John 14, 15, and 16, Jesus builds on this, using the word command repeatedly. A legalistic church structure like the one I grew up in has led me to see this as “ought, must, have to.” And it becomes, “I’m going to love this person if it kills me.” But can you really love someone through gritted teeth?

We don’t see Jesus loving that way. Even on the cross as He forgives, we know that it’s because He freely chooses to, not because He has to. Chris, my pastor, talks about the difference between a “have to” mentality and a “get to.” We don’t have to go to church; we get to. And that applies here as well: I don’t have to love others; I get to.

For me, at least, that’s easier said than done. But Merton gives me hope that it can be done, that I can see what I thought of as an obligation–“show everyone love or you’re going to totally screw up this Christianity thing!” Jesus seemed to say–I can see it instead as a choice, a choice freely made that will in turn manifest God to the world. I just have to change my perspective. And with God’s help, I’m going to do that: not because I have to, but because I choose to.