Tuesday, January 2, 2007 · no responses · comments closed

I have come to dislike resolutions because they don’t work very well for me — or apparently for most other people, based on what I read in magazines. Instead, I ask myself, “How do I want to grow in this new year? How would I like to be different in 2007?” Because I teach one-semester courses, I view my year as having three beginnings, spring, summer, and fall. And I like that, because it gives me plenty of opportunities to step back and evaluate where I’m headed and how things are going. So, as I enter January, I try to think more about the next few months rather than the entire year, and that makes the task much less daunting.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reminded that I tend toward criticism. Some of it is personality: I’m detail-oriented, and as I take in the details, I tend to notice the problem areas. That can be a blessing — if you’re in a situation that requires evaluation. But it’s not a blessing when it becomes the normal mode of interaction with life.

I find it easy to focus on the negative, both in myself and in others. This personality trait was magnified by past experiences. Growing up in a religious tradition that constantly evaluated who was in and out of the Kingdom made it easy to live in perpetual judgment. This, coupled with a dominating sense of God as Judge, set me up for some problems.

I think I’ve come a good ways in changing this. God placed in me a strong sense of compassion, a balance to my bent toward judgment. As I have come to see God first as loving Father, and as I have experienced fathering myself and the love that naturally tempers my judgment of my children, I have found it easier to extend that love toward others. But not so much toward myself.

It is at least interesting, and perhaps noteworthy, that Daniel means judge. When I was a teen and thought I might go into law, I took my name as a sign that I might one day be a judge. Just a few years ago, though, I discovered that I didn’t have it quite right: Dan means judge; Daniel means God is my judge. And the Holy Spirit has reminded me of that crucial difference on a regular basis since then, and He did so again just recently.

As I said, I find it hard to extend compassion to myself. As I wrote in my journal the other day, I noted how few pages had been used despite having the journal for several years. My first thought was, “It should be full by now. You haven’t been doing what you were supposed to do.” And then the Spirit said to me, “Lighten up!” And I was reminded, again, that God did not make me judge over my own life; God is my judge. And so I think, “Does God judge me for not having filled several volumes of my journal?” And I have to answer, “No.” And if He doesn’t, then who am I to judge myself harshly?

This reminds me of Jesus’ words of compassion to the woman caught in adultery. I would have found it easy to be among those who brought her to Jesus for stoning, and in times past, I’ve wondered why Jesus let her off so easy. Watch Him in action:

Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”

Let’s note for a moment what Jesus doesn’t say: He doesn’t say, “You whore! You should be ashamed of yourself!” He doesn’t say, “You know, you should be stoned, but I’m letting you off the hook this time — but I’ll be watching you!” He doesn’t even say, “What were you thinking? Why would you do such a thing when you know it’s a sin?”

No. He says simply, lovingly, “Neither do I condemn you.”

Lest we miss it, I’ll point out that condemn means “to judge worthy of punishment; to damn*. This woman was clearly “worthy of punishment” — she had violated God’s law — yet Jesus refuses to confirm or enforce I that judgment. The One who is able to judge because He is without sin says, “Neither do I.” This is an amazing thing!

I take this to heart; when I am tempted to judge myself (and I use tempted here on purpose), when I am tempted to judge myself, I remember that God is my judge. I don’t need to judge myself, because someone far more capable has already been assigned that task. The Holy Spirit does a remarkably good job of bringing conviction and correction when I need it.

There are two benefits to this approach: one, I spend a lot less time worrying about and analyzing my behavior, leading to a happier me. And secondly, when Dan is happier with himself, he is much less likely to be judging and critical of others. And that’s always a good thing.